Robin Williams fooled everyone in the world. Patricia fooled everyone in my neighborhood. We all know people just like him – people who hide every day behind a smokescreen. I didn’t know Williams personally but it didn’t matter. When I woke up on the morning of August 11 to hear the news that comedic genius and brilliant actor Robin Williams hung himself all of those raw feelings rushed back – and hit me like a ton of bricks. What if I could have helped her? What if I invited her into my kitchen and talked about her charts and cycles and life? Would it have made a difference? I missed the signal…and every time I think about that I am overwhelmed with guilt. She reached out to me once – asking about astrology and the deeper potential but I didn’t see it as a cry for help at the time. We would talk about my failed marriage, her failed engagements and our mutual frustration with men. I remembered how many times we exchanged casual gym conversation in the locker room. But there was no way I could figure out her pain. I tried so hard to process it – to understand. Apparently, she sunk into a deep abyss of depression and never came out of it alive. The last time I saw her at the gym was weeks before but that fact didn’t register with me until I found out she died. It always does, doesn’t it? Yet, I always saw the deep insecurity behind those bright blue, carefully made up eyes. On the outside, it appeared she had it all. She was drop dead gorgeous, successful, and had a kind personality. I walked into the gym not even aware of my own body, thinking about Patricia and the last time I saw her. I stood away from the woman who shared this news with me in utter shock. She went on: “You know, the beautiful blonde woman – she looked like a Barbie doll.” Suddenly my brain focused. She blurted: “Did you hear about Patricia?” I was confused. She stood in between me and the door – as if she were desperate to share the information that left her so obviously devastated. But on this day, before I even entered, I knew something was wrong.Ī woman I knew had tears in her eyes. I walked into the place I’d been working out at since I was seventeen years old. Last year, I thought I was in for just another routine morning at the gym.
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